Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His hands were made for my vagina.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
