look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
