So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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