So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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