spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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