just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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