Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
