why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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