Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
