I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
