once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
