I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
