So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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