Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
