I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it glows. i had to have it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
