I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
