I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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