New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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