I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
