he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just google imaged poop.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
