I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
