I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
