I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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