Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
