got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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