I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
