Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
