I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
