burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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