I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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