so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
