mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
