How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
