She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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