I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a kid would responsible me up
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize