quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dick very happy bro
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
