I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
