There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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