I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
