so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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