My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
