So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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