Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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