I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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