In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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