this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
