I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
