We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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