Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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