Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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