I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
