he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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