so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
