You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
