Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
