And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
