idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
