Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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