Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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