my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I lost the right to judge tonight
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
