If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
