I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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