operation have a gay friend backfired
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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