Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
