I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
