My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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