Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
