I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
