Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
