you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
