I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
