.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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