you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
