no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
