the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
