all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
