i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
